It's a constant struggle not to hate myself. Not to berate myself over every little thing I've done wrong. I'm so hard on myself, but in the moment where that torture I've inflicted might do me some good, I look the other way.

I need a friend but how dare I ask for one in this state? I can't. It can't be a girl. But all the guys I know are leaving on their missions, where I should be. And I'm not sure if anyone else is mature enough.