I just want it to be day 90 already. I just want to be done for a while, even though I know that I won't be.

And the thing is when I talk about day 90 everyone assumes that it has to do with addiction. It does, in a way.

In the way that I'm free and finally will allow myself to be in a relationship kind of way.

letterstobriannacalveri:

Okay, hopefully I’m going to get all the politics out of my system right and not talk about it again for a long time. So I’m not trying insult you or your mom or the rest of the state of Utah but I seriously just don’t understand why Mormon people tend to be republicans.
Like, for example, one of the basic principles the Mormon religion is agency.  We really value our right to choose.  But republicans, on many issues, are against the right to choose - legalizing marijuana, abortion, gay marriage.  Yes, I understand that the Mormon church is against smoking marijuana, having an abortion, or acting on same-sex attraction.  But making those things legal doesn’t mean you HAVE to do them.  It just means you’re making it legal for other people to make their own choices - to use their agency.
Or, the Mormon church really values helping the needy, right?  But republicans are against many things that do help the needy.  Like Obamacare, most republicans could talk for days about what a terrible program it is.  But in my opinion, it’s just trying to help people out and make sure everyone is able to receive on of the most basic human rights - medical care.
And yeah, people rag on Obama (and democrats in general) for “being a socialist” but to me……..the law of consecration, that law that is supposed to come into play after Christ is resurrected, is a lot like socialism.  You know, everyone shares everything and the rich share their poor with the needy.  Well, that’s kind of what the democratic party tries to accomplish.  They try and do things like tax the rich so that money can be used in programs to help the poor.
So, I’m not saying the republican party is bad, but their views don’t really seem to align with the Mormon church’s at all, and that’s why it just blows my mind that it’s so predominantly a republican church.  

I studied socialism/communism while going through my homeschool academy and we basically figured that for everything, Satan has a counterfeit. Zionism/the law of consecration will work because Jesus will lead us as a people and at that point we'll all be converted, and those that aren't will be living far away from Zion and the Zion cities. It wouldn't work now because we as a people are not moral and are too petty and deconstructionist to band together like that. Communism and socialism will not work because we as a people are not righteous and therefore would not work to help one another. It hasn't worked in the past. We can't be forced to help one another, or else is it really charity?

The issue is not to share the money of the rich with the poor, or to give it away, it's for everyone to be converted to the point that we are all charitable with what we have regardless of where we are in the "social ladder".

Yes, we value the right to choose, but we also accept that all choices have a consequence. And why should sin be legalized? We hold that abortion is a sin against the law of "thou shalt not kill, nor do anything like unto it". We hold that same-sex marriage is a sin because we have been commanded to only marry a husband and a wife together for time and all eternity.

If we stuck to the original democratic values, principles, and ideals, we would be a very good nation. But we don't. So we aren't. We took God out of nearly facet of our lives. And now because of this, pride, Satan's influence, the deliberate dumbing down of the american people, false media messages, and a lot of other crap, we're heading in the wrong direction. It's been prophesied over and over again that the USA is going to fall. The scourge is going to come and wipe nearly everyone out on the continent, so much so that the smell itself will kill anyone that goes near Washington D.C.

But I'm just a stupid homeschooled Utah Mormon male while Christian so why the hell should anyone listen to me?
Socialism and communism is marxism which is based on the communist manifesto which is totally anti-God and atheistic. It won't work because no system based on an absence of Almighty will ever rule the world for long. Capitalism only works if the people are a moral people - which we are not as a nation. We were, and then several things happened within a few years of each other that destroyed us.

Why do people keep leaving?

Buggie and I have been talking at length about this tonight. This is the true church. This is the true and restored gospel. It is true whether you think it's true or not. The precepts are eternal--meaning that they are above and beyond your mind whether you comprehend them or not. God's ways are higher than yours. And it doesn't matter if you believe it, you will be confronted by it, whether you try and convince yourself otherwise.
There is no way that Joseph Smith could have done what he did without God. He did not have the education, money, means, or intelligence to fabricate the Book of Mormon. He was not intelligent enough or versed enough in any area of societal construction, refinement, upbringing, war tactics, stratagem, political struggles, or any other area of the Book of Mormon with the education that he had--which would not have been made up for by sheer intelligence.
To deny this is to deny God. Testimony of the Book of Mormon comes through the Holy Ghost, a member of the Godhead.
You cannot and will not ever be able to convince me otherwise.

Never mind. Ignore this post.

For whatever reason.
Fine, Blogger.

The Word of Wisdom

"The Word of Wisdom is a spiritual law."
"When God asked Abraham to offer Isaac in sacrifice, did they first seek scientific confirmation that their choice to obey was medically advisable?"
"Reverence and respect for our bodies begets spiritual sensitivity to the gifts of the Holy Ghost. When we revere our bodies as temples of God, it is an outward manifestation of an inward commitment and is a testimony of our understanding that we are children of God."
"We can defile our body by that which we take into it as well as by that which we do to its external surface. For example, the Lord has given us in the Word of Wisdom His law concerning foods and substances which should and should not be taken into our bodies. As with all His commandments, the more important dimension of this law is spiritual, not temporal. Over the years I have been challenged by some skeptics to justify from a medical perspective how a cup of coffee, a drink of alcohol, or a cigarette could possibly harm them. My response has been that the opportunity cost of their “minor” transgression is measured not in medical but in spiritual terms. By their disobedience they deprive themselves of spiritual sensitivity to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, through which God deigns to reveal to them “wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures” (D&C 89:19). As they defile their bodies through willful disobedience to the Word of Wisdom, they resonate with the spiritually untutored to whom the knowledge of God remains a mystery, thus hindering their progress toward the goal of eternal life."
"Similarly, when individuals follow the body-defiling practices of multiple piercing and tattooing, they dull their spiritual sensitivity. Tattooing the body seems analogous to spraying graffiti on one of our beautiful temples."
"Stay away from tattoos and similar things which deface your body. Your body was created in God’s image."

It is not up to us to rationalize away. We have been instructed by numerous prophets of God to stay away from tattoos and body piercings. It is not up to us to say "oh but it's my body". Well, actually, since you're a spirit having a physical journey, it's basically your rented meatsack while you're here. You will be judged by what happens to your body.

If it is a spiritual law, it seems that it would be important to adhere to the law regardless of sentimental value attached to the purposeful scarring of the body. How would you react if you found someone spraying an image onto the side of one of our Temples? And their only defense for their action is "I wanted to"?

Social sites

I just wrote a huge post on tumblr. Huge, to me, at least. However, this site, while I will post that huge post here too, is not for what I put on tumblr.

Put simply, I miss Buggie. Talking to her via text will never replace being with her. Her laptop died, and so her blog is running via queue only. She's like my other half. We come from extraordinarily different walks of life and yet arrived at the same conclusions about many things, gospel or otherwise.
I miss being around her, the few times that we've actually been together. I miss hearing her laugh and yes, I miss poking her. Because she poked back, frequently. And we hugged a few times. I miss her. And so far I've not said anything about us too often here or on tumblr or on twitter, and definitely not on facebook.

Facebook is for family stuff and to keep up appearances. I've not really said anything about my actual life since I stopped reporting what day I was on addiction-wise on facebook. I know very few of my facebook friends personally and honestly don't care to know the majority of them. Some of them are tumblr people that I followed long enough to add me on facebook, but that eventually unfollowed me, such as Kerry and Jasmine and Beth. Some are old mentors, such as Danny, that I feel viewed me too critically. I understand that I was a bad mentee, but I wasn't ready for anything more than that yet. I had to learn more before I could do what he wanted me to do. He had everything right, except the timing. Others are people from twitter or various other places that I've never met nor talked to for much length.

Obviously Jimmy, Charlie, and a few others are exceptions. And then there are current tumblr people that are my friends there that I have never met but would like to meet someday.

Tumblr is where I'm a lot more honest with myself and the people that follow me. But I feel that that's also a sort of a front. It's my let's-be-religious-and-try-to-help-people place. It's also my writing domain, which I feel irritates people sometimes.

And then there's this place. My let's-talk-for-really-long-periods-of-time-about-controversial-topics place. And my let's-be-damn-honest-about-how-I-feel place.

And right now I wish my best friend was here. Not for any particular reason though. Just to be with her, I think. And because she really is the most amazing person I know right now.

Abortion, same-sex marriage, and stuff

Taken from a post from tumblr that I want to archive here (the blocked text is not from me but from another LDS tumblr user - I am the text below that):

ok. time to get controversial  i don’t mean to be, but i feel like i need to say something over the topic of Abortion, and any opinion on the matter draws criticism. 

I feel like this is an example of how selfish society has gotten.  We are now a generation of I deserve this, I want this, I don’t want this …    

I believe that there is a God. You can debate it all you want, but in the end, you cannot physically  disprove God just like you cannot physically prove God exists. (I believe the reason for this is because we are supposed to exercise faith, and faith is the belief in something that is unseen, but is true.) If God showed himself to Man now, we wouldn’t need to have faith, but then we would be more accountable for our actions and God does not want to send all of his children to Hell.  thats a topic I can discuss more in a later blog post. Back to Abortion.   

Since i believe that there is a God, I believe that everyone on earth are His children. We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth (meaning get married and have children). Anything that gets in the way of this commandment is seen as an abomination by the Lord. (Which probably explains why the church is against same sex marriage). Abortion is another thing that violates this command  as these unborn children are taken away prematurely from earth. Now I don’t know when a spirit enters a body and when the child can be considered that, but from photos I have seen of unborn children, they sure take human form pretty early on. Also any mother will tell you that their child could move around and kick them before birth.  Also, the methods used to Abort babies seem pretty inhumane to me, and would be considered torture to a human that is alive already.  

I feel Abortion reflects the selfishness of society. I read constantly on tumblr on how Abortion is a Woman’s issue only, and the government should not tell them what they can and cannot do. While I agree the government should not intervene in all of our daily activities, if an unborn baby is a living thing, than what if it does qualify as a child. In many states now, if you kill a mother and her unborn child, you can be charged with two counts of murder. Do we see people protesting that law?  But if the mother wants to take a life away, its ok.   Also, the only way to get pregnant in the first place is to have a man around too, so that immediately makes abortion an issue for men too.  If people would stop sleeping around then we wouldn’t need abortions in the first place.  Its as simple as that.  

You can laugh all you want at my beliefs,  but if what I said is about my beliefs in God are true, (as i truly do believe)  then one day you will remember you laughed at this, and by then you very well may regret that.    It’s not my job to punish anyone or condemn them.  I’ll let the big man do that instead.  At least He is loving and will give you a good chance to explain your actions to Him.  

I can understand why the woman would want to abort in the case of rape or incest. Or if the mother’s life is threatened by it, or if the child has very little chance of surviving birth. I understand those. But by any means of consensual sex, we at least as latter-day saints are commanded “not to kill, nor do anything like unto it”. The entire purpose of being here is to come to God and become more than we were before. We can’t even begin that process unless we are born in the first place. Pregnancy is the natural consequence of having sex.

I agree that the government shouldn’t interfere with our lives, and I simultaneously agree while keeping fully in mind that I am not a girl, I will never have a period, and I will never give birth, but that as a society we are not a moral people anymore. If we are not a moral people, we are an immoral people, having gone back to the state of the natural man, who is the enemy to God. If the pure love of God is charity, then the enemy to charity would be selfishness. Selfishness that, I believe, is becoming even more noticeable every day.

Despite common belief, there IS a pill for men that allows them to have sex without getting anyone pregnant. However, I’d notice that most of the issues we face nowadays wouldn’t even be relevant if we were still a moral people as a whole.

As for same-sex marriage, I’d agree. And also further state that same-sex marriage has no place in God’s eternal plan. Without being sealed to a spouse of the opposite gender, you will not be able to progress. Often the argument is “love is love”, and, while true, the law is higher than love, and God’s law has said that two people of the same gender or opposite genders should not have sex before marriage, and two people of the same gender should not have sex at all. God and God’s law does not bow before social customs, no matter how unpopular they may be. Just as heterosexual couples are still called to repent for having sex before marriage, homosexual couples will still be called to repent, for multiple reasons. Sex with persons of the same gender is fornication, and will always be held under condemnation to God. Same gender couples do not have a place in God’s eternal plan, and they will not be married in heaven.

Updates in the form of a rant

Today is day 50. I've made it 50 days without purposefully committing sexual sin. And that in itself is a milestone. The only time I've EVER made it this far was when I graduated.
If I keep my border patrol up every day and night for the rest of my life, I will never have a problem with sexual sin again. And that is such a huge relief for me. I love that I'm able to talk to young women and have a clean mind. I love that I'm able to keep my focus directed where I ought to look and not let them wander.
Talking to Buggie helps me and will probably continue to help me recognize that women are not objects.
At the same time as all of this, though, I see so much crap among young men and teenage boys. I can't watch any Halo YouTube videos because the absolute bombardment of crude content just totally turns me off.
And lately on tumblr I've just been noticing how utterly addicted to sexual content the majority of people are. If it's not gay, they should be gay, and they can't just be a BroTP (a platonic but strong bond between two or more individuals), they have to have smut (erotica, basically written pornography - fun fact, "pornography" means "the writing of a prostitute"). Everything is sex-related. If it's not sex-related, then it should be, according to them.
There's nothing wrong with sex. It's a beautiful thing, but we've been commanded that only a man and a woman should have sex, and only then when they're lawfully wedded as husband and wife, and they should only have sex with one another.
A sexual obsession like I see all over tumblr and the internet in general tells quite a bit of the state of the internet, and the world at large. Because we're connected all the time emotionally, the physical side of a friendship or relationship is missing, and it's starting to seriously screw with our minds. This on top of all this sex is getting us addicted to the chemicals we release when we see this stuff, and then it destroys our spirits, leading to anxiety and depression because of a seratonin imbalance, as well as a few other chemical imbalances.
Every commandment has been made because there's serious science behind it. Just because we don't understand it doesn't mean it's okay not to obey it. And seriously, when Abraham was commanded to sacrifice Isaac, did he pause and question the medical consequences of what might happen to Isaac if there was a dagger plunged through him? No! He simply obeyed.
I'm just sick of the world in general right now. I'm tired of all the hate that politics spread. Like, holy hell, can we just revert to how our country was when it started? The people would be more moral, if nothing else.
Do you know how many things we'd solve if we once again had a moral people? There can never be enough policeman for an immoral country. There can never be enough laws for a people that no longer care for laws. Our constitution works only if we are a moral people, and guess what?! We're not! Not anymore. People say "religion should have no place in law" or something along those lines, but I beg the question, what law does not have some kind of moral grounds? Aren't laws at their base supposed to protect rights that are based upon morals? I digress though. I forget that everything is relative nowadays.
This lack of a moral people terrifies me. I couldn't count how many times I've prayed for Buggie to be protected while she's out and about at college. Oh sure, it might be BYU-I, but that's exactly where you're sure to feel protected. Even at places rich in spiritual wealth and spiritual giants and seemingly infused with the spirit, there are people that would try and take advantage of a cute 5'2" blond girl walking home alone from class. Satan is cunning, and we're taught continually to defy him and yet rarely take the initiative to learn how.
It pisses me off that this is what our society is like. Rape and sexual abuse is absolutely not excusable. Once I was of the opinion that immodesty causes rape, but rape predates fashion trends, and I know the chemicals I'm dealing with. You have no idea how powerful they are unless you've been a sex addict. What you're wearing has nothing to do with it. If the man is spiritually dead and fallen into that carnal state, and the chemicals are roaring, he becomes an animal. And some people are like "you're saying that the natural state of man is to be a rapist". Well, actually, yes, I am. I am saying that. That is exactly what I'm saying.
Why do you think we've been commanded to be above the natural man if not for some reason like that? The natural man is totally selfish and will do anything to satisfy his appetite. Including sexually attacking someone. Male rape is on the rise, now, too, showing that either kind of sex organ is now "on the market".
Neither should be. And in order to correct this state that we're in, we need to become a moral people.
And I'm not sure how we're going to be able to become one again.

A rant about "Christians" 1.1

"I'm a Christian" they say as they continue to post things such as "God hates fags", "Muslims go to hell", "God hates you", "God hates everyone", "Jesus hates [this]" or "Jesus hates [that]".

God does hate, but he hates sin—not people. But if God is a God of love, and would not be God without love, how could he hate? It's because God sees the bigger picture. He sees the consequences of your sins in a much bigger and broader view than you do. His love for his creations far outweighs his hate for sin.

God cannot look upon sin with the least degree of tolerance, because if He did, He'd be allowing the sinner to eventually reach the Celestial Kingdom, where they literally would not be able to stay because of the sin they've committed. When Jesus taught that "no unclean thing" may enter into the Kingdom of Heaven, he was being literal. They literally cannot abide there in the presence of God's eternal glory and be able to survive. He's not condemning people, he's issuing a warning, saying "Guys, if you don't follow what I teach, you literally cannot stay with me and Dad!"

And then there are people that say "I'm a Christian" and then have absolutely no idea what the Atonement is or what Christ stood for and taught. Christ stood for understanding of all peoples, of not judging unless it was righteous judgment—righteous, not self-righteous, and there is a huge difference—and of obedience to higher laws so that we can receive blessings and be happy. Jesus taught that He was the way, the truth, and the light and life. He taught to overcome the natural man, which is selfish, evil, carnal, violent-prone, abusive, and wild, and instead become a Disciple, who is long-suffering, patient, kind, obedient, stalwart, truthful, honest, chaste, virtuous, compassionate, and humble, as Jesus himself was.

If you don't have any understanding of what Jesus did for you personally, or have a basic understanding of his teachings, or at least have a desire to learn what those teachings are and to incorporate them into your life, are you truly a Christian? Are you really a disciple of Christ? And how do you tell? Because if you don't grasp the Atonement, you don't grasp repentance, and if you don't grasp repentance, you don't truly grasp anything. Repentance is not something bad. Repentance means to "turn to", to return towards God. Part of becoming a better person is recognizing that you've made mistakes and then FIXING them.

Repentance is a lot like a backspace key on the computer. First you have to recognize that it's there, and then you have to move towards it with your finger. It's a cheesy analogy, I know, but bear with me.

In the same way that you have to move your finger to delete something, YOU have to move yourself towards God and accept the Atonement in order for you to advance at all. You can't go forward in life with a bunch of sins stopping your spiritual growth.

Sins are like stones in your spiritual backpack. The more you sin, even if they're just little things, the heavier the backpack gets. You have to understand and apply the Atonement, the celestial, terrestrial, and telestial backspace key, and get rid of those stones. Avoiding true repentance and returning to the sin denotes an undeveloped sense of understanding of what the Atonement is and means.

Once you've repented, God doesn't remember the sin anymore and therefore could not hold it against you at the final day, and you've come closer to God and Christ through your repentance.

Sins also work as a binding chain from the sinner to Satan, the father of lies and the great deceiver. Sins make us free to bind us to Satan, where as repentance and living a Christ-like life binds us to Christ and therefore makes us free.

Some people will try and rationalize their sins by saying, "If [God] loves me, he'll justify me doing a little sin and I'll be okay". This is a grave misunderstanding of love. There is a difference between love and law, and love, regardless of how much God loves you, is not an excuse for sin, and ultimately justice must be satisfied. It's much easier to talk of mercy than justice, but justice must still be satisfied. Laws stand regardless of social trends, social norms, and perceived instances of misjudgment or condemnation.

God loves you, but He can't just excuse you for going against His commandments. Which are commandments, not just highly useful suggestions.

I'm continually striving to be better at everything I mentioned. I'm selfish, I was carnal. I'm working on my flaws and developing my strengths. I've turned from repentance and accepting and understanding the Atonement many times, and I'm continually getting better at returning to my Father and His Son and repenting for my wrongs. I am not perfect, and I am not expected to be in this life. God does not call us to do things that we cannot do someday. Nevertheless, this is a topic that I've been prompted to talk about, and one of my strengths I'm developing is following the Spirit, regardless of perceived consequence.

On December 2nd there will be an announcement made that will probably be expected by some and unexpected by a few. Either way, I can't wait.
December 2nd cannot come quick enough.

Fears

I am so afraid of being insecure. I'm not even sure how that makes sense. But it's the truth, whatever it means. I don't want to be irritating, but often I find the worry of being irritating more irritating than anything. Do I talk to much? Do I annoy you? Am I stupid? I feel so unintelligent. I feel like I have too many thoughts drifting around inside my head. I get a jolt of SOMETHING whenever I think of certain things lately. I want to write but I feel like something is holding me back. And I like this little keyboard but sometimes I wonder if I could write faster if I used a different one. But I don't want to try and use a different one because I want to get to know how to use this tiny one. What if I did write faster on a larger keyboard though? And then there's my writing in general! I hate it! I hate trying to write and I hate that I hate writing lately. I don't want to hate anything but I find myself reacting so judgmentally to so many different things in our sad sorry world.

There are so many people that are wrong and that don't get it, but because I'm so terrified of backlash I never say anything. And I hate that fear. And I hate that I hate that fear. And I hate that I talk about my fear. I have to be strong for everyone and I can't be. I'm not David. I'm not Moroni. I'm not Helaman. And I wish I could be but I'm just some jobless idiot living in Utah. A 20-year-old still living with his parents.

The roof of my problem is that I feel that I have not accomplished anything of worth. And that because of that I'm not worthy to be liked or depended on.

The sooner people realize that they can't just do whatever they want for whatever reason they want, and that "love is love" is a stupid justification, the better.

"If you love me, you won't leave me!" Uh if you're being a hurtful clingy jerk, I'd leave you regardless.
"If you love me, you'll let me do what I want!" Haha, nice try. No. We use discipline as a form of love. Discipline is saying "Yo I love you but if you don't obey me there will be consequences" AND THEN STICKING TO THE CONSEQUENCES. There is a difference between LOVE and LAW.

Anyway. Carry on. There shall be an exceedingly longer version of this rant at a future point in time.

Sunday, bloody Sunday.
At first, those lyrics seem a bit strange, don't they? Bloody Sunday? Sunday is a day to be revered with reverent worship for our Lord and Creator.
However, the bridge goes "to claim the victory that Jesus won". We are here not to pine and idle away our time as Satan takes more and more people hostage with the ties that bind us into spiritual bondage. One such is perversion.
I was a pervert, but I was never overly perverted. And there is a huge difference. A pervert seeks self-indulgent stimulation through sexual media. A perverted pervert seeks to make people into objects and make THEM the media.
Tumblr is full of perverted perverts, and it is starting to sicken me. Everything revolves at all times around sex. If two characters that are men don't want to have sex, something is wrong with them. Everything is gay, and if it's not gay canonically, it's gay fanon-wise, because everything has to be gay. The nature of the fandom side of tumblr is to make everything gay.
It's starting to irk me. Finding any kind of heterosexual material is irritatingly hard work. And sometimes I really wonder if it's worth it to follow all these fandom-side blogs.
:|

I'm pretty sure at least three young women on tumblr have a crush on me.
It's not that I mind. It's that either my mind jumps to conclusions and I'm just a horrible self-centered jerk, or they are ridiculously bad at hiding their affection.

Although I say this and then rant on about how amazing Buggie is and expect everyone not to ship us. So there's that, too.

You know what really irks me?

When someone posts pornographic pictures in a tag on tumblr that is meant to be a unifying place for Mormons that want to talk to one another and get support.

Rise Up, o Men of God - Why are the rosters so empty?

We, as male members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who are worthy, have been ordained with the Priesthood after the Holy Order of God.

So why is it so often that we don't act like it?

I've been included in the camp that doesn't act like it many times. I'm a recovering sexual addict only on day 37. 37 days have passed since one fateful monday when I committed a serious sin in the sight of God.
Now I'm trying to get back to His side. For many reasons, but for several in particular:

‎"And so, my dear young men, you may not think seriously about it now. But the time will come when you will fall in love. it will occupy all of your thoughts and be the stuff of which your dreams are made. Make yourself worthy of the loveliest girl in all the world."
--President Gordon B. Hinckley

Alma 41:2-10

 2 I say unto thee, my son, that the plan of restoration is requisite with the justice of God; for it is requisite that all things should be restored to their proper order. Behold, it is requisite and just, according to the power and resurrection of Christ, that the soul of man should be restored to its body, and that every part of the body should be restored to itself.

 3 And it is requisite with the justice of God that men should be judged according to their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored unto that which is good.

 4 And if their works are evil they shall be restored unto them for evil. Therefore, all things shall be restored to their proper order, every thing to its natural frame—mortality raised to immortality, corruption to incorruption—raised to endless happiness to inherit the kingdom of God, or to endless misery to inherit the kingdom of the devil, the one on one hand, the other on the other—

 5 The one raised to happiness according to his desires of happiness, or good according to his desires of good; and the other to evil according to his desires of evil; for as he has desired to do evil all the day long even so shall he have his reward of evil when the night cometh.

 6 And so it is on the other hand. If he hath repented of his sins, and desired righteousness until the end of his days, even so he shall be rewarded unto righteousness.

 7 These are they that are redeemed of the Lord; yea, these are they that are taken out, that are delivered from that endless night of darkness; and thus they stand or fall; for behold, they are their own judges, whether to do good or do evil.

 8 Now, the decrees of God are unalterable; therefore, the way is prepared that whosoever will may walk therein and be saved.

 9 And now behold, my son, do not risk one more offense against your God upon those points of doctrine, which ye have hitherto risked to commit sin.

 10 Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness.

Wickedness never was happiness. Being wicked, committing wicked deeds, causes the soul to literally die and displace itself from the body, causing us to lose touch with our emotions, which are spiritually-based, and causing us to lose as firm a touch with God as we should have or would have if we were obeying the commandments.

This world needs more men. More real men. And don't try to squander me by saying "there are no real men". A "real man" is a man that is Godfearing, that is in touch with the Spirit, that obeys God. If there are real men, there are fake men, and I have known a few fake men. I was one. We need more men that honor the Priesthood. More men that uphold all of God's commandments. A real man is someone who is in touch with the Divine. A fake man is in touch with those that have been cast out. The closest we can come to reality is when we come into contact with life as God sees it, not how we do. And we do that by becoming a disciple of Christ.

“To which Jesus responded (and here again I acknowledge my nonscriptural elaboration), perhaps saying something like: “Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me.”
-Jeffrey R. Holland, from the October 2012 General Conference

A real man is a disciple of Christ, because a real man is a good man. If there were no good, there would be no evil, and then the plan would never have worked. A testifier of the Lord in these times of trouble. Someone who stands up for the truth regardless of how popular or unpopular it is, regardless of the trials or troubles. We are called to be a witness of Christ at all times, in all things, in all places, with all people. Not just when it's easy. When it's hard. When it matters, and when it doesn't seem to matter so much. And yes, there are good men outside of the Church, that may or may not believe in Christ, but because the principles, precepts, and truths that Jesus taught are eternal and not just temporal, they still receive blessings for their work, and all blessings stem from God.

We are called to be Men. To hold the office of man that God has called us to. If there were no office, no manliness to reach for--and manliness is not masculinity as the world sees it, because Jesus had many traits that are not seen as masculine, and are we not called to be like unto him?--then we would not be called to it. If there were no desired state of being for us to be in, we would not be called to it, because God does not give orders that we cannot obey. He does not commission men to fight wars they cannot win. He qualifies the called to fight on His behalf knowing that they can pull through. We are not called out of the dust to be okay workers of some good. We are called out of the dust to be men.

Sometimes they need help. Sometimes we need a boost. Jesus did, in the Garden. He asked for the bitter cup to be removed, knowing that His Father would hear him. It couldn't be removed, but Father did send down an angel to strengthen Jesus.

We have been called and we are bound by duty to honor the call of the Celestial. We are to be men of God, to stand as witness for Him in our very being.

So why are the rosters so empty? There are many men that have honored the call. And I am proud of them. But how much more full could the rosters be? How many more could we have honoring the call if they would shake off the chains of hell and fully embrace the atonement?

I'm extending the call to my brothers to get your act together and man up. We need you. The women need you. Not because they are weak, but because they are so strong. They need men to act like men--not men-children that act like unsophisticated drooling sex addicts that can't stop getting themselves drunk. Men that are hurtful and abusive and jerks for no reason. And any man that has committed abuse would be better to be drowned in the depths of the ocean by his own hand. A disciple of Christ does not abuse. It is against every calling that we have. If we have love towards our God, our Master, we must have love towards all other men.  We do not need more men that fulfill the a-typical jerk role. We don't need more men of Babylon, but more men of Zion.

Ye Elders of Israel, come join now with me and seek out the righteous wherever they may be! In desert, on mountain, on land or on sea.

Fill the roster.

minirant

I don't want to talk but I force myself to anyway, because not talking would allude that I don't feel well, and I am old enough to take care of myself and not waste other's time to take care of me while I figure out what the hell is going wrong with my mind.

Guess what? I almost never consider hell a swear word. Unless you're condemning someone there, to me, it has always seemed a lot more like a nebulous word. Just like darn or dang is to me.

I am angry because I got triggered. My winning is paramount for my future. Everything basically depends on me winning. I know I can do it. But this fear of losing is starting to rise. Slowly, but noticeably. As the days mount, so too does my fear of giving in and submitting.

I SHALL NOT LOSE. I am better than that. I should be, too! I am fighting for a wonderful young woman and my Father in Heaven. I have everything at my disposal to win and overcome this once and for all.

Still. Being triggered worries me. I hate the feeling of sick guilt. I hate the cold sweat. I hate it. I'm sick of feeling this way.
Ugh.

From my Tumblr:

I FEEL.

I feel happy.

I feel content.

I feel inspired.

I feel incredible.

I feel elated.

I feel joyful.

I feel. I feel. My God, my Savior, I FEEL ONCE AGAIN. I have no more words left to me to describe how incredible it is to be free at least a mite more from the bondage I felt.

The Atonement is real. Jesus Christ is real. He died that we may all be saved again and live with Him and His Father in Heaven.

I feel again. Oh it’s been too long. I can smile. I can cry. I can feel.

I feel a fool for a brief instant. “That mormon boy is being hyper religious and melodramatic again”.

Yes, I am. And I have no regrets. So great and exceeding was Alma the Younger’s joy when he was released from the bonds he had held for so long. I feel some small part of that now.

I CAN FEEL AGAIN! Emotions course through me like a river of rapids. Joyous day! I CAN FEEL!

All the world is waiting for the Son. May He come soon.

I testify that addictions are a form of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bondage, and that if you struggle with them, you can be freed from them. But only through the power and grace of Jesus Christ, through which all men are made whole.

And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, amen.

[Maren]

DAY 35!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH! Okay, now really, you can’t lose now. I’d be so sad if we had to start over with being enthusiastic about single digit numbers again. (also, I’ve been praying for you. And you’re gonna beat this. Soon.)

YEAHHHH!!! Heck no I am NOT starting over. I am done. I do not want this addiction. I do not need it. I will not feel lost without it. I will be FREE. FREE FROM THIS! FREE FROM ALL THOSE STUPID FEELINGS OF GUILT. FREE FROM THE PAIN OF WONDERING IF I WILL EVER BE CLEAN AGAIN. FREE TO BE WORTHY. Free at last.

And now I am crying AND SALT HURTS OWWW.

Yeah. I will win.

Conference and Buggie

The last three days, I've had a great opportunity to have Buggie stay over here with my family.
I cannot stress enough not only how amazing she is but how alike we are despite walking very very different paths of life.
Aside from one or two talks from Priesthood session, my favorite talks were from Dallin H. Oaks and Jeffrey R. Holland. I'm fond of their straight and direct styles that typically Elder Holland has. Hearing similar from Dallin H. Oaks was impressive to me.
During those three days there was a lot of poking, a few hugs, and a lot of laughter. I love having a best friend, and I love the Gospel.
Next time Buggie visits, though, I'm going to need to get a few actual pictures of us that aren't from a webcam.

I'm scared of being a detriment.

Tomorrow

Will be hectic at best. Buggie's coming. I have to get Amanda to Faber's, run home, grab the projector, along with the laptop, and then get over to the Seminary building with Morgan, help set the projector up for Pyramid Project, get Celine on Skype or Tinychat, make sure everything's working, and then sit around and wait for time to pass, possibly run home and drop Morgan off--which is a good way to waste gas--and then go back until Pyramid Project is over. Then I dash home so Mom and Josh can get the car and drive to the church for Shakespeare.
After that, my day is pretty much free. It's just the mornings that are insane. Then I get to clean the parts of the house that haven't been cleaned yet before Buggie gets here in the evening.
Regardless of when she gets here, I have to go to Sons of Helaman, because I get to ask the questions this week. The questions are:
Why do you fight?
If you won your most recent difficult battle, how?
Shotgun - Border patrol, payment, calendar, passion project, and flagpole.
If you lost, why did you lose? What happened? (Analyzing lost battles)
How do you think Satan is going to attack you next? (Last question and least reached. Only been asked 7 times in over a year's attendance.)

Day 30 ended well enough. Here's hoping day 31 goes better. <:D

Conference weekend

Buggie is coming to stay over. And I'm currently on day 28. Four weeks ago I told myself the same things I've told myself every single time I lost.
"I'm going to try again. I'm not going to lose this time." The difference is, this time, I did my border patrol every single day regardless of how I felt at the time. I did it and will continue to do it diligently. And I know that the day I don't do it is the day I lose.
Last conference was amazing. And I'm very grateful that I'll get to see this conference with my best friend at my side. I look forward to the messages that will be shared, the laughter that we'll share, and the sober and frank sermons we'll listen to.
As we descend more and more into a dark and dreary world, the Church will become ever more unpopular. However, popularity isn't something God cares about. He's not a respecter of persons in that sense, and contrary to popular belief, on some matters, the world will be wrong. Very, very wrong, in quite a few different ways.
I look forward to Conference. And I look forward to seeing and hugging Buggie. Someday I'll write a huge post of everything she's done for me lately, but that day is not today.

Day 28. Four weeks later.

Lifelong members irk me

Which is saying something - I am one.
Where has anyone ever said that slut shaming was okay? Or that it was okay to mock drugees? To my knowledge, in no scripture has it ever said "love everyone, but mock the fornicators, for they are not worthy of my love". That's what God's love IS. It's stubborn. Infinite. Beautiful. Never-ending. Always present.
So why do some people think it's okay to mock those that are living that kind of lifestyle?
It's like calling people "gay". It's stupid and offensive. Does being gay make us less worthy of God's love?
I know a few people that have had premarital sex before they converted to the Church. Are they still sluts? Or do you need a reminder of what the Atonement IS?
“42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” - Doctrine and Covenants, 58:42
Shaming someone over things that they did before they converted is not okay.

I think it's time to tell Buggie about this blog. She may know already. Idk. However, I trust her. I probably should have told her about it earlier.
No one else though.

Courage Wolf is my spirit animal

Every time I see a meme that fits my attitude--which is a lot of them--I get this urge to pump my fist and yell "YEAH!!!" really loudly.
No regrets. Here are my top 5:

Each one strongly reminds me of the attitude I had to garner to battle my addictions. There are no excuses on the battlefield of addiction. Excuses are weak.

 You do the work regardless of where you are and what circumstances you're under. You're tired? Too bad, you do the work anyway. You read anyway. You pray anyway. You work out anyway. Otherwise, you're letting Satan win. Because every second you don't align yourself with God, you're drifting away from Him.

You think addictions are bad? You're right. They are. They're horrible, damaging, and they suck. You know what's worse but will ultimately help you? Getting the attitude that you need to survive. To win. Saying to yourself, "Either I do this, or I lose". There is no "Oh maybe I will win if I don't study my scriptures", because going through over a year of Sons of Helaman, there is a 300% chance that you won't win if you don't read.

Every SINGLE time I have seen someone confess to losing, they also admitted that they either hadn't read or prayed that day. You lose to an addiction when you're not close to God. The point of overcoming an addiction is to forge a relationship with God. It's all about God. It's about you getting back to Him. That's why we're here. God's ultimate purpose is to "bring to pass the eternal life of man", which He can't do unless we have a relationship with Him.

Most else is excess.

Hilton Shumway was called to labor in the North Carolina, Charlotte mission and leaves November 28th, 2012.

Ah yes. My last post was in indirect response to this article:
http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2012/09/mormon-modesty-we-have-to-do-better/

Thoughts about modesty and Sons of Helaman

I think modesty is important. Especially how we’re teaching it. However, the problem at the root is our seeming reluctance to talk about sex because it’s such a sacred thing. It’s becoming a problem. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a beautiful thing, but because only married couples are supposed to engage in sexual intercourse, teaching about it, talking about it, and learning about it is almost taboo. I think it should be taught in the home.

There are a lot of things wrong with the United States culture at large that keeps seeping in to our mormon and church culture and it’s really starting to irk me.

However I think the correct action is to teach the young men how to fight against sexual urges, not to tell the young women to cover up more. Why do you really think that programs like Sons of Helaman exist? Satan is going ballistic in the society that we have all around us that young women must be desirable. If you are not desirable, you are not worthy of attention. We exude this message throughout nearly every media outlet we have. If your breasts aren’t the right size or shape, a guy may not like you. If your hair is done just right, and you don’t have a thigh gap, you can’t attract a guy, because that makes you ugly.

What a horrible message to send. What makes it worse is how common it is. There is nothing wrong with having an attractive face, a large bust, a thigh gap, and smooth legs. Just like there’s nothing wrong with having a small bust, large thighs, and a “plain” face.

This message that we’re sending to the young women is hurting EVERYONE. The guys accept the media’s ideas of “the perfect women” and then aren’t taught what pornography is. We’re warned repeatedly to “stay away from pornography” and then never explicitly told what it is.

Pornography is the sexually explicit image of a woman in various levels of dress or undress that stimulates the sex organs. I could get more explicit than that but I really don’t want to. There can be beauty found in the naked human body, because it is a beautiful creation, but if it’s sexually stimulating, it should be considered pornography.

Because we’re not explicitly told what, exactly, it is, young men tend to find it online, whether by purposefully searching for images that please them or by accident, which is definitely not a feat. Pornography can be found in the unlikeliest of places. Soft pornography is entirely up to the individual. For someone it could be a woman as covered in you could be and it might still be arousing just because of a body shape. Human sight and sexual organs aren’t really run by logic.

Young men are taught to be warriors and Priesthood bearers and taught that modesty is a good thing, and taught to stay away from sex and porn, and then not taught anything on how to avoid it in direct correlation to it.

Reading your scriptures is a primary answer. One that people give because they can’t or don’t want to think of anything else. But why is it important? It LITERALLY gives us a spiritual shield against temptation. Reading your scriptures is as important today as wearing armor was on the battlefields of the Nephite warriors.

Praying is another primary answer. We’re told to pray twice daily. WHY? Because it is a literal communication from the creation to the Creator. It is extremely important for us to pray because it is as vital to our cause of staying righteous now as it is for any military operation to have communication with the line of defense and headquarters.

You know what the first rule of a military engagement is? Obtain communication methods with home and HQ. Why should it be any different for us on our day-to-day lives when we live in a war zone?

“If we live in a war zone, why don’t I see any damage?”

24 people are either being stalked, a victim of rape, or sexual assault every single minute in the United States alone.

That’s just one statistic. It should be enough to get things moving, but it doesn’t seem to be. I attend a weekly group therapy course and I will tell you right now that we are at war with forces greater than we think.

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there - isn’t that what we teach that faith is? Faith is knowing without seeing, believing with or without proof. So why is it really such a hard thing to believe that there’s a force to be reckoned with out there that hates us all individually just as much as Christ lives all of us equally?

Satan delights in the perversion of young men. Because he knew us all and knew what we were like up in Heaven. He doesn’t want any strong missionaries, preaching the gospel of truth and light and love to people that he’s worked since they were at least eight years old to do his bidding.

I’m not saying that everyone out there just because they’re not Mormon is a bad person, or that they don’t have morals, or that they don’t believe in doing what’s right, or that they don’t believe in some sort of evil force or being out there. What I am saying is that we as individuals who are part of larger groups of beings need to recognize that just because this is the true Church doesn’t mean that the culture is true too.

Draw it in. Clump it together. Write it out. Accept the emotions. Change the chemicals.

Me - "I'm the male hard rock less-marriage-obsessed version of Shaylee in a lot of ways. It's kinda weird."
Chevelle ftw. #ConvowithHilton

You 4

Leilani, Tom (who's currently on a mission), Heather, and Shaylee. So technically 3.
You three are the only ones that I really trust to view this blog so consider yourselves special. I don't spread the address for this blog--although it's easily found--for a reason. This is my haven. This is where I'm open about everything going on really. Tumblr is amazing, but I can't be as open as I have been in the past there.
So don't encourage or discourage people from viewing this place. Don't mention it. Read it, sure, but my purpose here is to say what's actually going on, not gain attention.

There is no pride in depression. It is not a call for help.
I wish I could hug the hurt away. I'm so frustrated! I am just a man, just a boy really, and she has to go through all of this.
Of course I'm talking about Buggie. She's my best friend. I love her dearly. And I hate this. I want it to pass already.
But if I can't handle her when she's sad, how dare I ever hope to be around her when she's happy? Who am I to say to someone "I only love you when we're both happy"? How dare I ever tell someone that my love is circumstantial? Isn't that a part of what makes me a Christian? My unconditional love? The stubborn ever-lasting love that Christ and God have for each and every one of us?
I will do whatever I can to help her. Even if that means staying silent.

This post might be easily misunderstood,

I've been talking quite a bit to people that struggle with depression. Depression in itself is too nebulous a word to accurately describe the variety of emotions that plague people that struggle with it. It's apathy, and a bit of loneliness, with a stagnant spiritual growth, and possibly a slightly skewed sense of worth.
It's something that's very hard for me to imagine. Sure, I've been down. I've gone through my own personal hell experiences, but I've never experienced the chemical depression. I've never had to go through that experience.
I don't understand it. I might be able to define it somewhat better than some, or quote people that define it better than I have, or perhaps provide an allegory to what it is, but until I experience it--if I ever do--the words are hollow to me. Because of the nature of words, those that have experienced it will understand the feelings attached, but I won't. I don't know what it's like.
And I don't know how to talk to people about it. I'm very good at talking to people and keeping conversations going--it's the extrovert in me--but it also hinges a lot on the person. Some people I can talk to for hours on end, and others we have conversations that last maybe 10 texts or less. If I want to prolong a conversation, I can prolong it for a very long time, but often times I don't extend the effort because I'm not sure they want to talk.
With those that suffer from depression, it's harder, because it's hard for me to gauge their mood. Are they happy? Are they passive? How do I tell, and is that a sign of something worse going on inside their mind?
Do I bring up how they feel? Do I ask if they're okay, or will they get annoyed if I ask?
I know a lot of that depends on the person but I'm feeling lost, which is a rather new feeling for me. For most of my life I've known what to do, for whatever reason. A knack for direction, or something of that sort. Probably more that the Lord's been guiding me. Regardless, I feel strange talking to people who struggle with this.
I want so desperately to help them realize their divine potential that I sometimes feel short with myself when they still seem lonely. And that makes me feel worse; it's depression, it's not their fault that they have a low opinion of themselves. I guess. I need to read up more on how depression works.

I just want to give them all a huge hug and tell them that it's okay. That it'll pass.

I'm going to make it this time.

I am very grateful for modern revelation. So many are like "Jesus never said anything about [x]" and I'm like "He may not have, but 'whether it be my voice or the voice of my servants, it is the same'". Regardless of whether or not Jesus personally said something, because of revelation given to true and living and current Prophets in this dispensation, we have current counsel for THIS world and time.

People that I've realized have helped me change

Heather - and not Buggie. I mean Heather B., someone that I at first hesitated to follow. I didn't know her story, didn't know anything about her, wasn't sure what kind of blog I wanted to run on tumblr, and didn't know if I was comfortable being "discovered". That quickly became irrelevant two years ago. Nearly 20 people followed my tumblr nearly overnight. It was rather scary and intimidating, actually, but that lasted for only a few minutes. After I got used to the idea, my Courage Wolf side kicked in and I kept blogging as if I had no audience.

Heather taught me persistence, and that everyone had their own trials, and just because some can handle a lot doesn't mean I can. Relatively speaking, my life has been a joyride. A poor family and an addiction were my hardest trials. Meanwhile, Heather was going through things I couldn't even imagine going through. I'm not talking about all of her bodily problems and that she's a cripple. I'm talking just addiction wise. She was going through a lot, and still is. She's a great individual.

Joe has been a testament that every guy has to have a trial of some sort. He went through the fires of addiction same as me. He's preparing for a rapidly-approaching mission and is a spiritual giant. He reminded me that my purpose was to win, not to stay on tumblr, whine, talk about Satan, and lose. Sometimes you get so caught up in the addiction cycle that you tell everyone you're trying to win and then don't even fight at all.

Joe reminded me that I have a duty and a mission to fulfill. He reminded me that I'm a WARRIOR of God, not a bystander, although he didn't use those words. I'm grateful for Joe and his brief-but-important foray into my life.

And of course, Buggie. She believes in me to win, just as Joe and Heather and countless others do. She reminds me that you can come from all walks of life and still end up in the Gospel. Although Heather is a good testament to the same thing. Buggie helps remind me to do my duty to my God. To actually follow through with my promises and to make sure I keep them.

I love all three of them a lot. I'm not sure where I'd be without these three pivotal figures in my life.

The Wretch Mindset

This is an attitude that I've noticed I've had struggles with and one that some other addicts have probably faced.

"I cannot (x) because I am (y)"
"I cannot flirt because I am a sexual addict"
"I cannot give a compliment because I am a sexual addict"
"I cannot give praise because I am an addict"

Regardless of whether or not the thoughts are logical is pointless. We are not logically governed beings, and I've found myself having these thoughts repeatedly. Especially lately.

They're hard to escape.

It's basically a mindset where you feel you cannot apply a value to yourself or allow yourself to be a positive influence because you feel that you yourself are NOT a positive influence because of the struggles that you're facing.

Well let me remind myself and you that everyone has their own demons to face. Everyone struggles. Therefore everyone should be doing what they can to help other people lift their own burdens.

Quick post

I have to write the skeleton of this post and just get it out because I have to leave to go to my Grandma's in a few minutes. I'm acting as a taxi driver today.

I hate taxis.

Regardless, here's why I'm winning lately:

I've remembered my duty. As a Priesthood holder, not so much - as a respectable male human being, quite a bit. I cannot afford to let sexually mature 19-year-old young woman stay over at my house with my family while I am not morally clean. To do so jeopardizes them and myself. I owe it to them to offer a safe place to stay, and while I am not morally clean, it is not a safe place to stay. I owe it to myself and my God to do better than I've ever done in the past; to forge a stronger relationship and bond with my Heavenly Father than I ever have before. I owe it to my God and my closest friends to become clean and worthy to enter into the Temple and serve a worthy 2 year mission.

I would make a good missionary. I have experiences that will benefit people out in the field. I have the attitude and the mindsets that would help me be an effective missionary and example of a Christ-like life. And by golly, I have the intelligence to do a good job. I'm not an ordinary knife in the drawer. I'm somewhat unique, and if I seem presumptuous by saying that, well, maybe I am.

Regardless, I need to be morally clean before I really have any right to tell other people to be morally clean. And I need to be morally clean so Buggie can safely stay at my house without fear of any misconduct on my part. I owe it to her to give her safe lodging. And I owe it to my God to act on the knowledge I possess and get clean.

I'm on day 13 because I stopped offering up stupid excuses not to do what I needed to do.

Tomorrow - er well today I suppose - I should probably explain why I sudden have such vigor to overcome this addiction.

Everyone loves you unless you have an opinion that differs, and oh yeah, no judgment, unless it doesn't align with ours - and rights for all, except if you piss us off. We're the best country, because we've got freedom! Never mind that we have the most people in jail per capita of any other country in the world! Everything is fine - except we're trillions of dollars in debt and all we can do is fight over who is deserving of life or not and whether or not the state or the national government really rules!

Sometimes I hate everything.

Opinions, popular and unpopular - edit 6

I don't support gay marriage* - marriage is endowed of God between man and wife, and whatever we have on this continent is supposed to be a representation of God's kingdom, and social outcries will not sway God's will. Regardless, we're already doing so much wrong that it seems this will be added to that pile anyway. Arguments that "Jesus said nothing about homosexuality" are in vain because he spoke out openly against fornication--which is what sex between anyone unmarried with anyone married, anyone married to anyone unmarried, two married people that are not married to each other, an individual with an animal, and an individual with himself.

I do not hate any homosexuals because to do so would be acting against God's will. God commanded that we love one another regardless of flaws - however that does not mean that I have to condone what they're doing. If so, what would be the point of preaching against sin? Hate, as I say below, is becoming too nebulous. Just because I do not approve and will not vote to institute gay marriage does not mean that I hate any homosexuals or anyone that lives that way.

Being "born gay" is a partial lie. You come into this world with some form of predominant allure to a kind of sin, just as I struggled with an addiction to pornography. DNA may pass down increased sexual appetite genes, but the same rules apply to those heterosexuals that have been commanded not to have sex before marriage.

However, I won't try and stop anyone from voting otherwise. I'm just some 20-year-old kid, what can I do?

I don't support abortion unless it's under certain circumstances.

I think we deconstruct too much in this society.

I think a lot of things would make more sense if we acknowledged that there are forces of good and evil at work in the world that we cannot see.

I'm a constitutionalist republican, but I hesitate to align to any political party because they're all so flawed.

I don't think America is the greatest nation anymore because we as a society are not moral. A great nation is whatever nation has power, because it depends on your definition of the word "Great", but the best nation by far is the one that is a moral leader amongst all the others.

I think God would rather have a kind and considerate atheist doing good works than a hateful Christian trying to represent him.

I think "hate" as a term has become too nebulous and should be redefined.

I think the public school system needs to be entirely revamped and restructured to focus on the individual, since the conveyer-belt system we use is teaching a flawed system based only on the temporary resurfacing of information to pass a common test, teaching that leaders are the ultimate authority, and that followers are more important than leaders. They're creating followers out of leaders in a nation that desperately needs more leaders. Study should focus on a Thomas Jefferson education, where passion for knowledge is nurtured into the individual, and until they're at the age where they understand the scholar phase, only light pressure should be put on them for academic pursuit.

The value of human life is being destroyed and is underrated.

We live in wicked days, and it's going to get worse before it gets better.

*In a country where we can marry dogs, ourselves, video games, trees, other animals, or just about anything, my stance on this is in alignment with studies of my Church's doctrine and other more personal opinions and not much more. We're also allowing people to have sex with horses and other animals, so why not gay marriage on top of bestiality? We have so much being thrown around about the Bible and things about homosexuals when it's just as clear that bestiality is abominable in the sight of God, but no one ever seems to mention that. We lie for publicity, hate for gain, destroy for pleasure, enslave others for gain and pleasure and for profit, we destroy and constrain the rights of women as equal individuals before God beside men, and we openly mock and defy God as if it were nothing at all.

We're on the fast track to destruction, and nothing is stopping it.

Introspection, and random thoughts

I should not use this site as an emotional dump.

Oh geez look I offended her again

Dammit, Cassie, why the hell can't you just stay unoffended over some stupid little thing for longer than a week?