Today is day 50. I've made it 50 days without purposefully committing sexual sin. And that in itself is a milestone. The only time I've EVER made it this far was when I graduated.
If I keep my border patrol up every day and night for the rest of my life, I will never have a problem with sexual sin again. And that is such a huge relief for me. I love that I'm able to talk to young women and have a clean mind. I love that I'm able to keep my focus directed where I ought to look and not let them wander.
Talking to Buggie helps me and will probably continue to help me recognize that women are not objects.
At the same time as all of this, though, I see so much crap among young men and teenage boys. I can't watch any Halo YouTube videos because the absolute bombardment of crude content just totally turns me off.
And lately on tumblr I've just been noticing how utterly addicted to sexual content the majority of people are. If it's not gay, they should be gay, and they can't just be a BroTP (a platonic but strong bond between two or more individuals), they have to have smut (erotica, basically written pornography - fun fact, "pornography" means "the writing of a prostitute"). Everything is sex-related. If it's not sex-related, then it should be, according to them.
There's nothing wrong with sex. It's a beautiful thing, but we've been commanded that only a man and a woman should have sex, and only then when they're lawfully wedded as husband and wife, and they should only have sex with one another.
A sexual obsession like I see all over tumblr and the internet in general tells quite a bit of the state of the internet, and the world at large. Because we're connected all the time emotionally, the physical side of a friendship or relationship is missing, and it's starting to seriously screw with our minds. This on top of all this sex is getting us addicted to the chemicals we release when we see this stuff, and then it destroys our spirits, leading to anxiety and depression because of a seratonin imbalance, as well as a few other chemical imbalances.
Every commandment has been made because there's serious science behind it. Just because we don't understand it doesn't mean it's okay not to obey it. And seriously, when Abraham was commanded to sacrifice Isaac, did he pause and question the medical consequences of what might happen to Isaac if there was a dagger plunged through him? No! He simply obeyed.
I'm just sick of the world in general right now. I'm tired of all the hate that politics spread. Like, holy hell, can we just revert to how our country was when it started? The people would be more moral, if nothing else.
Do you know how many things we'd solve if we once again had a moral people? There can never be enough policeman for an immoral country. There can never be enough laws for a people that no longer care for laws. Our constitution works only if we are a moral people, and guess what?! We're not! Not anymore. People say "religion should have no place in law" or something along those lines, but I beg the question, what law does not have some kind of moral grounds? Aren't laws at their base supposed to protect rights that are based upon morals? I digress though. I forget that everything is relative nowadays.
This lack of a moral people terrifies me. I couldn't count how many times I've prayed for Buggie to be protected while she's out and about at college. Oh sure, it might be BYU-I, but that's exactly where you're sure to feel protected. Even at places rich in spiritual wealth and spiritual giants and seemingly infused with the spirit, there are people that would try and take advantage of a cute 5'2" blond girl walking home alone from class. Satan is cunning, and we're taught continually to defy him and yet rarely take the initiative to learn how.
It pisses me off that this is what our society is like. Rape and sexual abuse is absolutely not excusable. Once I was of the opinion that immodesty causes rape, but rape predates fashion trends, and I know the chemicals I'm dealing with. You have no idea how powerful they are unless you've been a sex addict. What you're wearing has nothing to do with it. If the man is spiritually dead and fallen into that carnal state, and the chemicals are roaring, he becomes an animal. And some people are like "you're saying that the natural state of man is to be a rapist". Well, actually, yes, I am. I am saying that. That is exactly what I'm saying.
Why do you think we've been commanded to be above the natural man if not for some reason like that? The natural man is totally selfish and will do anything to satisfy his appetite. Including sexually attacking someone. Male rape is on the rise, now, too, showing that either kind of sex organ is now "on the market".
Neither should be. And in order to correct this state that we're in, we need to become a moral people.
And I'm not sure how we're going to be able to become one again.
Showing posts with label Ugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ugh. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Lifelong members irk me
Which is saying something - I am one.
Where has anyone ever said that slut shaming was okay? Or that it was okay to mock drugees? To my knowledge, in no scripture has it ever said "love everyone, but mock the fornicators, for they are not worthy of my love". That's what God's love IS. It's stubborn. Infinite. Beautiful. Never-ending. Always present.
So why do some people think it's okay to mock those that are living that kind of lifestyle?
It's like calling people "gay". It's stupid and offensive. Does being gay make us less worthy of God's love?
I know a few people that have had premarital sex before they converted to the Church. Are they still sluts? Or do you need a reminder of what the Atonement IS?
“42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” - Doctrine and Covenants, 58:42
Shaming someone over things that they did before they converted is not okay.
Where has anyone ever said that slut shaming was okay? Or that it was okay to mock drugees? To my knowledge, in no scripture has it ever said "love everyone, but mock the fornicators, for they are not worthy of my love". That's what God's love IS. It's stubborn. Infinite. Beautiful. Never-ending. Always present.
So why do some people think it's okay to mock those that are living that kind of lifestyle?
It's like calling people "gay". It's stupid and offensive. Does being gay make us less worthy of God's love?
I know a few people that have had premarital sex before they converted to the Church. Are they still sluts? Or do you need a reminder of what the Atonement IS?
“42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” - Doctrine and Covenants, 58:42
Shaming someone over things that they did before they converted is not okay.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Ah.
Sometimes I wonder, legitly, if I have some sort of sociopath in me. I find it hard to care. About people, about things, about my life, about my Spiritual self. Maybe it's just apathy, but it's a hard-reigned apathy if so. Perhaps I'm so out of tune with who I am and with God that I've simply phased out of the human side of my nature and split into two different people.
On the one hand, you have the warrior. The priest. The scholar. The wise young man. The writer. The author.
On the other hand, you have the coward, the sick, the lustful, the dispassionate, the cold, and the strange.
They're at war, constantly, now. And I can't ever escape. There is no escape from self except in hard work, which is fleeting to pursue. This is why I want a longboard. The only other time I could escape from myself, aside from working, was when I rode a longboard that my friend Kade loaned me while we worked at a fireworks stand last summer.
Fortune favors the bold, but often times it abandons those that do not work for their own happiness. Depression is one thing, but I am not depressed. I'm apathetic, and there is a difference. You can still work hard while feeling apathy. It's much harder to work--or move--at all when you're depressed.
I am not being an example of the believer that I should be.
And I don't know if I can find the strength to ask for the strength to become that believer again.
On the one hand, you have the warrior. The priest. The scholar. The wise young man. The writer. The author.
On the other hand, you have the coward, the sick, the lustful, the dispassionate, the cold, and the strange.
They're at war, constantly, now. And I can't ever escape. There is no escape from self except in hard work, which is fleeting to pursue. This is why I want a longboard. The only other time I could escape from myself, aside from working, was when I rode a longboard that my friend Kade loaned me while we worked at a fireworks stand last summer.
Fortune favors the bold, but often times it abandons those that do not work for their own happiness. Depression is one thing, but I am not depressed. I'm apathetic, and there is a difference. You can still work hard while feeling apathy. It's much harder to work--or move--at all when you're depressed.
I am not being an example of the believer that I should be.
And I don't know if I can find the strength to ask for the strength to become that believer again.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
You
"You" refers to three individuals, actually. Three individuals in my life that have both given me a lot, and then we kind of fell apart.
I met you years ago, online. And we taught each other a lot, but we were both young. I was the immature one, and I still regret some of the things that I've said. I wish that I had the strength to really tell you what our friendship meant, but now I think it's too late. I could try and resurrect it with you, but you're getting ready to go to college. There wouldn't be a lot of point, in my eyes.
You're going on fine without me. I don't want to hold you back.
I still see you often, although not as often as I used to. Even less than I did seven months ago. Now you're with a really cool guy, and I hope for the best for you two, even though he'll probably be going on his mission in a year or two. Unlike me. I still think about you, but lately it's more or less in the back of my mind, just remembering funny things we said or did. I'm just grateful for having gotten to know you a little bit better.
And then there's you. You still raise a bunch of angry feelings inside me. I keep thinking that I'm "over" you, but there are so many things about you that rub off on me wrong. You lied to me. Not only to me, but to everyone we talked to. You lied to yourself, and you've buried what I know YOU KNEW to be TRUTH deep inside you so your squealing conscience--which you buried and have now killed off--would shut up and give you "peace". I still remember your middle name. I have a knack for remembering middle names, for some reason, and you, you annoying little smudge, are a stain on my memory. I can't say I hate you. But I definitely hate what you've become.
I met you years ago, online. And we taught each other a lot, but we were both young. I was the immature one, and I still regret some of the things that I've said. I wish that I had the strength to really tell you what our friendship meant, but now I think it's too late. I could try and resurrect it with you, but you're getting ready to go to college. There wouldn't be a lot of point, in my eyes.
You're going on fine without me. I don't want to hold you back.
I still see you often, although not as often as I used to. Even less than I did seven months ago. Now you're with a really cool guy, and I hope for the best for you two, even though he'll probably be going on his mission in a year or two. Unlike me. I still think about you, but lately it's more or less in the back of my mind, just remembering funny things we said or did. I'm just grateful for having gotten to know you a little bit better.
And then there's you. You still raise a bunch of angry feelings inside me. I keep thinking that I'm "over" you, but there are so many things about you that rub off on me wrong. You lied to me. Not only to me, but to everyone we talked to. You lied to yourself, and you've buried what I know YOU KNEW to be TRUTH deep inside you so your squealing conscience--which you buried and have now killed off--would shut up and give you "peace". I still remember your middle name. I have a knack for remembering middle names, for some reason, and you, you annoying little smudge, are a stain on my memory. I can't say I hate you. But I definitely hate what you've become.
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