Showing posts with label Chemicals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chemicals. Show all posts

Friday, September 21, 2012

This post might be easily misunderstood,

I've been talking quite a bit to people that struggle with depression. Depression in itself is too nebulous a word to accurately describe the variety of emotions that plague people that struggle with it. It's apathy, and a bit of loneliness, with a stagnant spiritual growth, and possibly a slightly skewed sense of worth.
It's something that's very hard for me to imagine. Sure, I've been down. I've gone through my own personal hell experiences, but I've never experienced the chemical depression. I've never had to go through that experience.
I don't understand it. I might be able to define it somewhat better than some, or quote people that define it better than I have, or perhaps provide an allegory to what it is, but until I experience it--if I ever do--the words are hollow to me. Because of the nature of words, those that have experienced it will understand the feelings attached, but I won't. I don't know what it's like.
And I don't know how to talk to people about it. I'm very good at talking to people and keeping conversations going--it's the extrovert in me--but it also hinges a lot on the person. Some people I can talk to for hours on end, and others we have conversations that last maybe 10 texts or less. If I want to prolong a conversation, I can prolong it for a very long time, but often times I don't extend the effort because I'm not sure they want to talk.
With those that suffer from depression, it's harder, because it's hard for me to gauge their mood. Are they happy? Are they passive? How do I tell, and is that a sign of something worse going on inside their mind?
Do I bring up how they feel? Do I ask if they're okay, or will they get annoyed if I ask?
I know a lot of that depends on the person but I'm feeling lost, which is a rather new feeling for me. For most of my life I've known what to do, for whatever reason. A knack for direction, or something of that sort. Probably more that the Lord's been guiding me. Regardless, I feel strange talking to people who struggle with this.
I want so desperately to help them realize their divine potential that I sometimes feel short with myself when they still seem lonely. And that makes me feel worse; it's depression, it's not their fault that they have a low opinion of themselves. I guess. I need to read up more on how depression works.

I just want to give them all a huge hug and tell them that it's okay. That it'll pass.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Step 1:Reconnection

In order to conquer a future, and live in the present, you must understand, accept, and connect to your past. Connection is optional, as one may have too hard of a past to want to connect, or one too full of adversity. Part of being reborn, spiritually, is becoming a new creature in Christ. And it's not easy. However, one thing that we all must eventually do is reconnect, whether we want to or not.
When someone goes through something horrific, it leaves an imprint. It leaves something behind on them. It leaves a kind of marker on them that says "I've gone through something, and I'm" either a survivor or a victim.
It is much better to be a survivor.
Your past is called a past because it has shaped you, in some measure. The word "past" probably has a bunch of root meanings that I won't even bother to look up, because the word is only a part of why I'm writing this.
You must reconnect with the injury of the past. Whether it's a bad argument when you were 7, or whether it was a fall off of a toy slide when you were 3 that you barely remember, or if it was a particularly horrible breakup when you had just started dating, whenever that was. You need to reconnect to it and figure out how to break the emotional chains that you've connected to it.
That imprint I talked about a few paragraphs ago? It creates a chain. An emotional and chemical chain inside your mind. A pathway.
Think of a mouse, or a rat, or a spider, or a cute little kitten, or what have you. It's wandering around inside your mind. It's your thoughts. And it's wandering around inside, aimlessly, as we so often think aimlessly. When it approaches a pathway, the creature, almost against your will, climbs into the pathway and follows it. The entire thing happens in under a few seconds. Sometimes under a single second. Once it's in the pathway, you've been triggered, and suddenly you find memories of an event that created the pathway.
In order to break this pathway, you must re-forge it. A pathway is made just as digging a trench is made. By doing any kind of verb, it creates the pathway, and the more often you do the same action and create the same pathway, it becomes more entrenched inside your mind.
So how do you re-forge a pathway? Most often, the pathway you created also has a "time value" attached to it. Say at 7 AM, you put a ring on your right ring finger and you start to rub it with your thumb. That is a pathway. That is a habit. In order to break it, you either have to consciously force your thumb not to rub the ring, or you have to not touch the ring at all.
You must actively go against the former pathway by replacing it with something else.
What does this have to do with the past? Because that pathway is a sign of the past. That's a remnant, just as a scar on your arm or hip or finger(s) is also a remnant.
In order for you to reconnect with the past, you may have to go through some of these pathways and reconstruct them to better suite who you want to become. A college student won't get much done if they have a habit/pathway that says "when I get onto the computer, I must play Starcraft II" or "when I start Chrome I must go to Pinterest".
Eliminate the habits that are holding you back. This is what I mean when I say that you have to reconnect with your past.

This is post 1 of a 10 post series where I ramble about stuff I've learned.