Sunday, June 23, 2013

Bugdan

This is a cliche post. I don't care. It's still true.

I love Buggie. I love her smile. I love how she's cute whatever she's doing. I love how intelligent she is. I love that we can talk about anything and I know that she'll think of something that I didn't or wouldn't. I love how she surprises me or makes me think and learn and grow. I love hearing her voice and I love the time we have together. Often it's short, but it's always important. She is a beautiful young woman and I love her so very much. I'm grateful for her imperfections, because it shows me that I'm not the only one with problems. We're both derpy and sorta messed up.

She is amazing, and I am so grateful to be dating her. I'm very grateful that she loves me back and returns my feelings.

Excerpt of a letter I wrote to a future missionary

"if you encounter anyone that has struggled or is struggling--with an addiction or not--make sure to do what you can to tell them that they cannot ever do anything to make God love them less. I have a personal testimony of this that is as large as my testimony of the Church that God won't ever abandon any of His children and that we will never be forgotten. God will love us whether we like it or not.

Beware of perfectionism, and I'd advise that when you teach you'll help them feel like they don't have to be immediately perfect. We aren't given a timeline for perfection, but are simply expected to try and do a little better each day. That's actually harder in my mind, because going day by day makes it super easy to get into the trap of surviving instead of living. We get caught up going day by day instead of living each day, and there's a big difference between the two. If we try and be perfect immediately, we'll fail, burn out, and probably come to the conclusion that we can't do it right off the bat. That will help them grow, but it will cause a growth in them that should help them wake up. But when we live day by day, we remember to honor God at all times, and make sure to put Him first.

Alternately you'll run into perfectionists like me, who will go through life and not take advantage of opportunities and will berate themselves for not being as good as they know they could be. Advise them to forgive themselves and try harder. Gordon B. Hinckley said that goals aren't sticks to beat ourselves with, but milestones to work towards, and that the Lord doesn't want us to use our past as a consistent source of guilt if we have repented of our wrongdoings. It's the balance between not burning yourself out and not getting lazy."

Be better

Better. More better, very better, more good, gooder. This is what I need to do. I keep slacking off and hurting people. Including myself. Including God. Everyone I was ever a friend with that knew what was going on in my life. Everyone that needs more than anything to have some hope and comfort in knowing that addictions can be overcome. And more than that, that they are real and that having one doesn't make you a horrible person.

Addictions are trials. And mine is the biggest trial in my life. It's on my mind a lot which is probably obvious. I'm simply tired of it already.

Day 1. I will fight with whatever fervor I can muster.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Just thoughts

Distance is a painful teacher. But you know what I dislike even more? The feeling that I have nothing to say. This is me. I always have stuff on my mind. I always have stuff to say. It might not be right now and it there may be lapses but they're usually short. Now it seems that the gaps have grown longer. And I don't like that.

I have voluntarily left tumblr for a possibly extensive hiatus. I could say a variety of reasons why I left tumblr but the biggest one was that I didn't feel comfortable posting my own thoughts on my own blog.

That's basically what a blog is, isn't it? A place for your thoughts. I don't understand why I feel like this place is necessarily any safer, but I do feel safer posting here. I have a lot of thoughts to get out. And a lot of them, people don't agree with.