20

I'm not a teenager anymore. How odd.
Things have been mostly the same. Fighting. Winning. Losing. I'm coming to accept that maybe I don't know my Savior as well as I want to know Him. I'm also coming to realize that the real reason that I'm not winning is because I don't know Him, and by extension, I don't care.

To win is to care. Being numb is a falsehood put out by Satan. We came here to have a body, and with bodies came chemical emotional reactions. Sure, we had emotions up in Heaven, but I'm not sure if they were quite as potent as the emotions we feel down here.

Down here we feel emotions on both a spiritual and a physical level. We feel them through our spirits and our brains release chemicals, which in turn impact our bodies.

Is there a lever I can pull to suddenly start caring? Because being numb hasn't ever been a real option. Especially if I want to become a missionary.

I think reading Jesus the Christ by Talmage might be a good step to take in the right direction, followed by the Miracle of Forgiveness by Kimball.