Life

People grow. Time keeps going. People change. Life continues on. People grow. Some people stay the same. People move on, or they get stuck. Life is a river, and it's sweeping my friends away. Those who I used to look forward to hanging out with are now becoming less, and fading. They're changing.

But so am I. I'm not that same person that they met all those years ago. They're not the same people that I met. We're all so different and we all have such different wants for life. They want college, or romance, or to grow up. I want to discover who I am, and write, and help people. They want much the same, and have different ways of going after that goal.

The question is, do I distance myself more or try and revive what I had with them?

Will I be able to, seeing how different we are now? Or am I just seeing a false image of who we all are in comparison to who we were when we all met?

Cameron's with-but-not-really-with Emma. Madi is with-but-not-really-with Colton. Kirsten, Glenn, and others are off to College. Josh has two jobs. Meanwhile I'm sitting at home like an ungrateful jerk because I'm so terrified of the idea of getting a job that it's slowly paralyzing me.

How do I live in a world this strange and fierce? In the books it says "do it anyway". I myself have given that advice to many people over the years. "It doesn't matter if you're afraid. Do it anyway."

Now I'm faced with that fear and I find myself wondering at many things. Fear, and the nature of it, at the center of all of it. I'm afraid, and fear doesn't take logic. It doesn't take rational thinking. It simply exists. It IS. And its existence can only be shut aside for a short time before it comes back.

But I suppose that's what courage really is, isn't it? Knowing that it'll come eventually and doing what has to be done, because it has to be done.