minirant

I don't want to talk but I force myself to anyway, because not talking would allude that I don't feel well, and I am old enough to take care of myself and not waste other's time to take care of me while I figure out what the hell is going wrong with my mind.

Guess what? I almost never consider hell a swear word. Unless you're condemning someone there, to me, it has always seemed a lot more like a nebulous word. Just like darn or dang is to me.

I am angry because I got triggered. My winning is paramount for my future. Everything basically depends on me winning. I know I can do it. But this fear of losing is starting to rise. Slowly, but noticeably. As the days mount, so too does my fear of giving in and submitting.

I SHALL NOT LOSE. I am better than that. I should be, too! I am fighting for a wonderful young woman and my Father in Heaven. I have everything at my disposal to win and overcome this once and for all.

Still. Being triggered worries me. I hate the feeling of sick guilt. I hate the cold sweat. I hate it. I'm sick of feeling this way.
Ugh.